Friday 22 August 2014

Pre-season Fitness

Yep it's that time of year again, pre-season fitness. Feared by all players, except perhaps the elite, or those unpopular individuals who use sayings such as "no pain, no gain." Personally I think anyone who says they enjoy pre-season are either lying, or have cheated during the off-season by staying in shape so that they can laugh at the rest of us.

The problem is, the same scenario occurs every year. The season finishes, your coach tells you to stay fit, and for some reason you never listen. You tell yourself "it'll be fine, my fitness won't deteriorate that much before the season starts up again..." Unfortunately reality only kicks in when you pitch up to the first session back, wearing that training shirt you swore fit you a few months ago. The only silver lining is that most of your team mates have clearly indulged in the "see food" diet as well. In fact, when I was re-united with the team I thought I'd accidentally turned up to the ladies' session - some of the moobs were quite impressive.

After a quick catch up you hear those fateful words, "Right, in you come then everyone." Next thing you know you're running up and down the pitch with your coach shouting at you as if you've turned up late to an army boot-camp. Don't you just hate how they stand there, laughing inside at your suffering, whilst conveying about as much remorse as Hitler? I'm pretty sure I made it to at least the 25 yard line before contemplating throwing in the towel as a player and going down the coaching route, so I too could shout at overweight people whilst never having to run myself. Honestly though, have you ever seen your coach run? Didn't think so. After an hour and a half of hell, over the course of which you've sweated more than Rolf Harris at a crèche, the session is over and you head home with the knowledge that you're going to need a full-body cast tomorrow morning.

Luckily, you remember pre-season fitness coincides with the summer holidays, so like a prisoner of war desperate to escape, you book a last minute getaway and jet off to somewhere warm and peaceful, where there's no shouting or running around. I can picture it now, there you are on your sun lounger, plying yourself with enough food and drink to satisfy several people, but you can't help but feel guilty at the thought of your fellow team-mates being whipped (not literally I hope) into shape back home. Not only this, but deep down you know that having missed the fitness sessions, you're going to have to work so much harder upon your return. Still, the pizzas and copious amounts of alcohol will numb the pain for now right?! 



Anyway, to those of you who haven't run away from pre-season (no pun intended), I salute you. To those of you who have, I'll be seeing you soon... RIP.


Charlie

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